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Sep 28
2018
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Helen Whitten
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I rather despair. I long for something silly to listen to or watch but I find that so much of the humour is angry, classist, divisive and crass and so I switch off. I used to enjoy the 6.30 Radio 4 slot but these days the level of humour is so pathetic it just makes me cross. The News Quiz and the Now Show used to make me laugh but they are just rather cruel these days and very ‘lovey’ and full of anti-posh rhetoric. There’s Live at the Apollo if one can be bothered so stay up late enough but quite frankly after a few months it is all so much the same stuff of lavatory jokes, boring stories about children that what Michael McIntyre made amusing all those years ago has been taken to endless levels of repetition.
I just long to laugh more. My childhood memories are of our family sitting round listening to Around the Horne or watching Tony Hancock or Morecambe and Wise and collapsing in laughter to the point that my Dad used to have tears streaming down his cheeks.
There was the gentle comedy of the soaps like I Love Lucy, Dad’s Army, The Good Life, Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads, Til Death us do Part, Terry and June, The Avengers and idiotic humour like the Benny Hill Show, Eric Sykes, Marty Feldman, The Monkees, the Likely Lads, the Liver Birds, the Goodies, The Flintstones. And of course Bertie Wooster and the Doctor at Large or at Sea series. There was the classic Some Mothers Do ‘ave ’em. We had so much choice!
The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin was one of the most brilliant comedy series of its day and I am not sure that there has been anything quite as witty since. Perhaps The Office made an attempt to be as funny but I don’t think it matched up, in my view.
The original fly-on-the-wall Candid Camera could be brilliant but has been played to death. And It’ll be Alright on the Night similarly ribbed ridiculous moments of theatre and television and made us laugh.
Along came Monty Python’s Flying Circus to take humour into another level of observation and idiocy that was radical and very funny. Kenny Everett, The Young Ones and Dame Edna were equally radical and equally amusing. Ben Elton and Victoria Wood combined pathos and sharp wit together. And I am afraid I loved The Vicar of Dibley.
Political shows like That Was the Week That Was combined politics, satire and humour and was one of the first of its genre. Bird and Fortune and Rory Bremner carried on brilliantly with the satire and impressionist take-off capturing the excesses of our politicians. I want more of it please.
But I think I am becoming increasingly like Victor Meldrew (which again was a wonderfully perceptive and amusing portrayal of a marriage) and finding it hard not to say “I don’t believe it!” whenever I read something in the newspaper or listen to some boring Radio 4 6.30 “comedy” that insults my intelligence.
Now that the Durrells is over I can find nothing gentle to watch, nothing I look forward to much and absolutely nothing that makes me laugh. The Scandi noir phase of tv series has taken us into an altogether darker place and whilst The Bodyguard was gripping and Vanity Fair reasonably good I would love a gentle soap or comedy for the 8 o’clock slot on a Saturday or Sunday.
I long for some of the old-style simple but quick and witty comedy. In search of humour we are taking ourselves off to see The King of Thieves tonight, which sounds a bit like an old-fashioned Ealing comedy with all the oldies like Michael Caine, Michael Gambon, Jim Broadbent and Francesca Annis. I am really hoping that it will be silly but slick enough to make me laugh. If anyone else has found something to watch that fits this bill please please let me know!
Sep 18
2018
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Helen Whitten
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I sometimes think I have woken up in some parallel universe where people’s minds are tuned in to some new radiowave of thought and I have been left behind. Like someone has forgotten to update my software. Did I really hear that:
- The little green man on pedestrian traffic lights, so simple to explain to small children, is being replaced by two circles with arrows, the male symbol and/or the female symbol which is far less clear?
- The Gay Rights organisation Stonewall has suggested that two biological men who choose to identify as women and are attracted to one another can call themselves lesbian?
- The Freemasons, for ever a male-only organisation (thoroughly unfairly in my opinion) will now accept women but only if they started their membership as a man?
- We have an American President who resembles a Court Jester (if only he was!)?
- We might drop out of the EU without a deal?
- A teacher who has decided that Maths makes students too anxious and could potentially be ‘racist’?
- A convicted rapist, still a biological man, who can decide that he wants to ‘identify’ as a woman and gets moved to a woman’s prison where he carries out more sexual assaults?
- There is a movement on both sides of the Atlantic to reverse the abortion laws so hard-won, forgetting how many women have suffered physically, mentally and financially (and actually died from backstreet abortions) while men walk away, oblivious of the high-handed nature with which they rule over women’s bodies and lives citing the law or religion?
- We allow cyclists to cycle on our roads with no accountability, no insurance, no number plate, seemingly no reference to the Highway Code, slamming through red lights at pedestrian crossings and scattering toddlers and the elderly with no redress?
- There are students who can erase the realities of history by tearing down statues and banning books and lectures?
- There have been virtually no prosecutions for Female Genital Mutiliation that have taken place in this country despite many cases being reported?
- By 2035 there will be more Muslim children in this country than Christian?
- People don’t seem to consider, let alone acknowledge, the fact that using the phrase “male, pale and stale” is both racist and genderist abuse?
- The number of referrals for transgender dysphoria has quadrupled in the last five years?
- Apparently I can no longer have a fancy dress theme such as Around the World in 80 Days for my 70th birthday in 2020 because I might offend someone by dressing up in their country’s style?
- Perhaps I can’t even write or use a recipe that comes from another culture as I might be accused of cultural appropriation?
- According to some pearly words of politically correct wisdom I can’t write a novel about a black person because I am a white woman and may therefore misappropriate their culture. So presumably all my future work would have to only include white female characters?
Am I dreaming or just down a rabbit hole? Is it that I have reached the stage of life similar to my parents moaning to me that the Rolling Stones looked hideous and sang dreadful songs? But surely all the above is far more serious than that? Isn’t it?
The trouble is, I find, that if I raise any of these issues in a way that suggests that I am uncomfortable with some of the changes that are occurring I am looked at as if I am some kind of nearly-extinct pariah. It seems to be very difficult to have any balanced discussion or debate with people because we are living in this binary black-and-white world where there doesn’t seem to be a middle way. People just don’t want to hear concerns or questions on these subjects, let along views that differ from their own.
If one suggests that perhaps some of the Muslim population could work harder at integrating with British culture one immediately becomes an Islamophobe. But they don’t want to hear that I would say exactly the same about English people living in France or Spain who don’t bother to integrate by learning the language and insisting on eating roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.
If one dares to suggest that the NHS could benefit from financial and cultural change one is virtually treated as if one had suggested that the poor should be left to die, rather than that we might all benefit from a few efficiencies of expenditure, administration and performance. To speak a word of criticism about the NHS is regarded as some ultimate betrayal of our welfare system, suggesting that I wish to eradicate help for the needy, which I don’t. I just think there are some changes that could be made for the better.
If one suggests that while one voted to Remain one nonetheless feels that the EU should have overhauled its policies long ago one is regarded as potentially an idiot or some Little Englander (actually I am not sure which is worse).
The concept of AND seems to have got lost. And so does any kind of sense of humour, irony or just plain fun.
The EU can be a good way for countries to work together AND require radical review of policies. The Muslim population in Europe can be thoroughly upstanding and good citizens AND possibly need to put some of their own house in order so as to integrate better into European life. The transgender lobby can have an absolute right to change gender AND yet be sensitive to how a young girl might feel if a man identifying as a woman goes into her changing room or toilet. Cecil Rhodes did do some good works AND yet was a man of his time and also acted in ways that would not be acceptable today. One can make a joke about the French, the Irish or the Brits AND still love and respect them. There are bound to be some Remainers who are bigots AND some Brexiteers who are open-minded. And so on. But it’s extraordinarily difficult to say so.
We don’t live in a binary world. None of us is 100% perfect nor 100% evil. For example, the proposal to replace Boer leader Paul Kruger’s statue with a statue of Winnie Mandela is surely an odd one as both of them were flawed human beings. As are we all. Equally no policy is either all good or 100% hopeless. No policy is tested until it is passed, so life is an experiment and that’s where the importance of feedback and review come in, where there is objective analysis and yet also people’s feelings and experiences are heard.
And oh dear, can we really no longer dress up in Mexican or Cossack hats without some virtue-signalling person accusing us of potential offence? We seem to be having an open field day of others criticising the Brits in one way or another and, in our usual way, we self-deprecatingly shrug and take it on the chin. Surely the world is a better place if we can gently rib one another for our various quirks?
But what we must surely be able to do is to challenge actions that seem to have very little common sense and are divisive? I may be old fashioned but are the actions on my list at the beginning of this article not just a little on the mad-side? Or is it just me…?
Sep 10
2018
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Helen Whitten
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We went to visit Bletchley Park [https://bletchleypark.org.uk/] recently and were given an interesting tour of the huts and environment in which the codebreakers lived during World War II. The conditions were tough. The huts were freezing cold in winter, boiling hot in summer. And full of cigarette smoke. The women were mainly young, forced, at a time of their lives when they might expect to be dating and care-free, to concentrate for hours on the information coming in across the airwaves. I felt in awe of them and what they did for us all. Them and the men who fought, of course. But these women kept silent and were not allowed to share their experiences even with their husbands. There was no accolade or acknowledgement for many years of what they did for us. They just quietly left and got on with life.
This made me think about the way women through the ages have just quietly got on with life, and still do, however tough. The mothers in Syria, the Yazidis trying to re-enter life after kidnap ordeals, The Rohingyas, countless women who are subjected to violence and abuse in Africa, India, South America and nearer to home. How they stoically knuckle down to do what they believe will protect themselves and their children. We must not forget them and cannot imagine that any #MeToo or feminist movement that has occurred so far has solved these problems.
These messages were brought home to me also when we went to see the French film Les Guardians, about the women left behind to tend the farms while their men fought during World War I. It was back-breaking work, tilling and gathering the harvest, making ends meet. And it made me think of the women who have done this over the centuries, run farms, castles, palaces while the men went to war or off to Crusade. Their skills unappreciated, often, and unacknowledged. Bringing up the children unobtrusively on their own, while their men rampaged around the countryside or globe at the behest of some monarch, prince or baron. There are few history books documenting their lives or explaining how they kept a country, community and family going in the absence of the menfolk.
Coincidentally I have also just finished the book The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah, about the women left behind on their own in France during World War II, one fighting for the Resistance, the other defending her family and friends during the Occupation, finally being drawn to protect Jewish children. These women, like the women in England and elsewhere, were living on bare scraps of food with little heat or protection.
And then reading The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart by Holly Ringland, a sorry tale of a mother and child violently abused by the father. And the legacy such treatment leaves for all those who experience or witness it. This more relevant as the law is finally to change to allow women who have lived in the home of their abuser to be able to receive compensation for their injuries.
Of course women can abuse and behave badly. This I know. But these recent experiences have really made me think about the twists and turns of history where women have just quietly got on with putting food on a table and nurturing children. Of, sadly, those many places in the world where abuse of women is still an accepted part of the culture and of how those women have a daily struggle to maintain their self-respect while enduring the violent demands of husbands or those around them. And of how, even in our own society, the old assumptions about a woman’s role in life or work is often still stuck in the past, with lower pay and everyday put-downs. And until recently this has been accepted as the norm until we finally woke up to the fact that women deserve better.
And so I write this in gratitude to those women who endured so much hardship in order to give us the benefits of life today here in the UK, Europe and beyond. I hope that I would do the same and have the same resilience, but I don’t know if I could and hope none of us are put in such situations again. But what I do hope is that I leave my grandchildren with some understanding of what their great-grandmothers, great-great grandmothers and ancestors might have done that has given them the life they enjoy today.
Aug 31
2018
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Helen Whitten
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I confess to being confused. There is a lobby to hold a Second Referendum on Brexit but I question whether, in just giving us the terms of the UK-EU negotiations, we would have sufficient information to make up our minds? Don’t we also want the EU to reform? Do we really just want to go back to where we were, with our tail between our legs? Even the most staunch Remainers I speak to agree that there are major issues within Europe that need addressing. The argument is that it is more effective to do this by influencing from the inside but past evidence doesn’t back this up as our own attempts to influence Brussels have not been that successful. And I don’t see much listening going on when other EU members have gripes either. So what’s to be done?
The media debate seems to cover only our own appallingly incompetent negotiations with the EU and how it impacts the UK. But what about what else is going on in Europe and how that might play out over the next decade? I don’t read much in our press regarding what the EU’s strategy is to hold the members together in this radically changed world. I only hear the same old narrative about the four principles, with no flexibility, it seems, to those countries who are struggling to manage to live within them.
Don’t get me wrong. I want a close relationship with Europe but perhaps, having run a small business rather than having been part of a large organisation, I prefer to have the freedom to be flexible and act fast when necessary. Within the EU currently, negotiations are cumbersome and long-winded. As I said before, I voted Remain – but only just. I think, like many others, including those I speak to who voted Leave (who, contrary to the narrative, are usually thoroughly intelligent global thinkers who are far from racist, and often immigrants themselves), there is a sentimental connection to the people who live in those countries and an enjoyment of the exchange of cultural history. But the reality is that our history is so different, in that the majority of those countries who are now members were all either occupied by invading armies or governed by a Communist or Fascist dictatorship. Living under an authoritarian regime shapes a very different mindset and lifestyle where people are careful what they say and often source goods or services on street corners or in corridors. Trust and transparency takes time to build up.
We are currently having our house in Kew refurbished by builders who come from Eastern Europe and they still report that there is enormous corruption in Bulgaria, Romania and other countries where the former Communist regime politicians have found their way back into government and milk the proceeds. We heard this story in many of the countries we visited along the Danube two years’ ago. What is the EU’s strategy to tackle this corruption?
And what action does Brussels plan to take to counter the problems countries are experiencing with immigration? Or to staunch the right-wing attitudes that are bubbling up across Europe but particularly in Hungary, Austria, Poland, the Czech Republic? The events in Germany this week, mirrored in many other countries over the last year, just highlight that there is unrest and division between cultures in Europe that appears to be every bit as pernicious as any racism that exists within our own shores. It seems to me that the governments of all member states have chosen not to listen to the concerns of their populations with regard to these very sudden and huge population migrations.
But by turning away from problems, denying they exist and refusing to show any compassion for the everyday issues that people might face in getting their children into school, getting a doctor’s appointment or endeavouring to live beside people who may well be charming but are of a very different culture, we have allowed the can of worms to turn to poison. But even now the Governments just continue to pretend that these problems can be resolved by ignoring them and by telling people to behave themselves. If we aren’t careful and they aren’t addressed, we could have real unrest within these countries and it would leave the vacuum into which the Far Right could strengthen their position. We need to learn from history that we have to shape problems and be courageous enough to talk about them honestly if we are to find new ways to create solutions together.
The notion that the nation state has had its day is erroneous, as Ian Kershaw mentions in his book Roller-coaster, Europe 1950-2017. It is actually natural for people to want to feel connected to their nation, want to have a sense of belonging to a community and a place. This does not necessarily make them nationalistic. Surely we can all be local AND global? Can we not feel loyalty and pride in our own country and yet be happy to enjoy alliances with neighbouring countries? The one does not in itself exclude the other but we are living in such a binary world that the word “and” seems to get forgotten.
With a weakened Angela Merkel, Macron appears to be positioning himself as a leader of Europe, with inner and outer circles of influence. He certainly, I would say, has some Napoleonic tendencies so does he see himself as some kind of President of Europe in the future? Or, if we slide back into a more integrated Federal States of Europe with its own Army, who would we have as a Federal European President and how would he or she be elected? How would all that work? Do we know? How much of a say will we have, whether in or out?
As I have written before, I only wish that the EU had called a meeting of member states many years ago and suggested they revisit the basics of the agreement in the light of the remarkably different world in which it now operates. I am of the generation where we heard de Gaulle say “Non” repeatedly and then entered on a purely trade basis. Now we are enmeshed in something very different to cover laws, rights, regulations and a far larger group of countries all with very different economies, pasts, cultures and aspirations. It’s a great idea. But what is the strategy to hold all this together in the future? Do we know?
We have not been strongly supported by Brussels on our stance against Russia in the light of the Skripals. Other countries seem similarly unsupported. What are the future foreign policy plans with regard to Russia, sanctions and more? It seems to come down to expedience at the moment. Or am I missing something? If you have answers to my questions please do write to me!
Way back in 1967 I studied in Italy for three months. I fell in love. I met an international group of students from Syria to Argentina. All before we were a member of the EU. So the scare stories that we will no longer be able to do this must surely be wrong. But the Brexiteers weave another web of lies and so it is up to us as individuals to try to make sense of it all and, as far as I am concerned, I don’t have sufficient answers to know whether I want to go back into an EU that has not taken action to adapt and reform.
Don’t we need some more answers from Brussels as to how they foresee the future? Don’t we need our government to challenge them to reform? Doesn’t any Second Referendum need to include more information about these more global issues and the way the EU plans to tackle them? Is it just me asking these questions? I suspect several of you will want to put me right! So do go ahead …
Aug 17
2018
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Helen Whitten
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As a child of the 50s I sat through endless school assemblies and Church of England services drumming home to me the message of “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you” (Matthew 7:12). I am not sure I totally understood the detail required within that statement, in terms of personal action. I know I have said and done things I have regretted but there is no doubt that I have felt a sharp sense of guilt when I have done so.
Values and ethics are not the sole domain of religion, and in other ways religious beliefs can divide us. And yet those Ten Commandments that I heard repeated so many times in my youth remain in my mind and are surely positive messages for our young? Our lives depend on the majority of people behaving well and those core beliefs of not killing, stealing, telling lies or coveting one’s neighbour’s wife or possessions help shape social behaviours.
In an era of false news and social media people seem to forget the Golden Rule of “do unto others” and instead threaten people who say or do something they don’t like with death, rape and hatred. They seem incapable of considering or imagining how it might feel to be at the receiving end of this kind of behaviour.
Cyber bullying translates into objectifying people in real life. Guns, knives and porn seem to be part of a trend whereby the perpetrator never considers or is faced with the appalling damage they do to a victim and their family. The lyrics of the drill music rap songs encourage people to violence and seem to laugh at the pain they are causing. Why do we tolerate this? Why do we turn a blind eye to the everyday put-downs, the so-called ‘funny’ comedians spitting vitriolic personal remarks that are laced with envy and unpleasantness? Why do we not silence the preachers inciting jihad, division and hatred? It’s not just up to Government. It’s up to each and every one of us to act where we see injustice.
The messages we receive as children get sewn into our neuronal networks. We may consider them, analyse them and reject them as we enter adulthood but they will have had some influence on our thinking, development and behaviour. I am concerned that education has become more focused on being ‘clever’ than being wise. And we are getting very little example from the world leaders of today, I fear, who seem to value power more than doing the best for their population. Erdogan, Putin, Kim Jong Un, Trump, Rodrigo Duterte of the Philippines, and many others seem to be willing to distort democracy for their own personal power goals. Sports stars get drunk and aggressive. Video games project endless violence. Advertisements continue to diminish women. Porn debases both genders. These are the images our young people are seeing and I wonder how it will influence their behaviour in future.
There have always been evil and selfish people in the world but with the video games, film and television thrillers of the last decade or so, it seems to me that violence and callous behaviour has almost been celebrated. We rant and rail against bankers or a few greedy business leaders and yet shrug off the everyday violence of children’s video games. We herald “our NHS” and yet seemingly let off the clinical and management staff who must have known about Gosport, Staffordshire, the mismanagement of maternity wards yet not raised the issues. Those medics who claim to support the NHS and yet choose to effectively privatise their services by becoming locums are surely also hypocritical? There are good eggs and bad in every sector of society but sadly one has to be extremely courageous to speak up against bad practice if one works within the NHS. But courageous is surely what we must be if we are to do the right thing?
Hypocrisy is another aspect of a less moral society. We all need to look at our ourselves first and not point fingers at others unless we are ourselves willing to follow our own pontifications. Those who accuse others of tax evasion or avoidance and yet accept cash payments that they have no intention of disclosing is just one example.
Values and ethics affect every area of life and cannot be set aside to be thought about when one chooses. Every thought, word and deed of every day is underpinned by ethics. Simple questions can help us direct our momentum towards right action
- Is this action helping me reflect my own better values?
- What thought will give me the courage to stand up for what I believe in?
- How will I speak up for right action and the moral good?
- If I do or say x how will it feel for the other person? Will it support or harm them?
- What might be the various consequences of the action I am taking?
- Where might I be being selfish or unkind?
- How would I like it if someone behaved this way towards me?
- What do I need to stand up for and be brave enough to face the consequences?
I am currently reading The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah. It tracks the lives of women caught up in the French Resistance in World War II. Finding the courage to put one’s belief in right action before personal safety is incredibly hard yet there were those on all sides of the War who did this. We plan to visit Bletchley Park on Monday and will be reminded again of others who were brave enough to fight or risk their lives for what they believed in. None of us know whether we have it in us to do this until faced with a situation that challenges us to the core. We just like to think we would.
In today’s world we are at peace in the UK but the pain inflicted by people being cavalier with words and action is nonetheless enormous. We all need to be careful. And we need to teach our young, on a daily basis, to take into consideration whether they would personally like to be treated in the way they are, or are intending to, treat others. We don’t have to turn to Jesus, Buddha or any other religious or mystical leader for this. It is part of everyday practical life and each action either adds to the general good and enjoyment of living in this world or detracts from it. We all play a part in making the world a good place and I honestly feel that the often-dull school assemblies that children around the world attend play their part in helping us recognise what is right and what is wrong.
Aug 02
2018
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Helen Whitten
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I must be getting old. I have moved many times in my life but never found it as exhausting as this move to Kew. The selling of Hampshire, the decluttering and then moving in to a house with a conservatory in 30 degrees of heat has been somewhat demanding, to say the least. But we have landed here and are adjusting to our new life and it feels good.
There is a reality to be accepted when one ages and that is that one simply doesn’t have the energy one had when one was younger. We resent the fact, of course. We try to deny it and soldier on but, when we do, our body just packs up and shouts “STOP unpacking those cases and sit down!”.
And as we move in, we hear of friends who are ill and dying and that’s another reminder of our age. But it’s also a reminder of why we are pleased to be here in Kew, where we find neighbours of exceptional kindness and friendliness. That feels so good.
And so we have found our way from Hampshire and are now busy finding our way around the new area, which brings us into contact with plumbers, carpenters, wardrobe fitters and more. And in this we learn much about customer service and those who care and those who don’t. We were truly disappointed by our experience of shopping for beds in the major department stores of Oxford Street. There were plenty of assistants but none of them seemed in the slightest bit interested in selling us anything or helping us find our way to a department. They were much more interested in talking to one another.
Even when we were willing to spend £800 on a bed the somewhat grumpy assistant suggested we go home and order it on line. Why? Surely there must be some added value offered in bothering to go into the store? Surely the assistants should smile and offer to help? Surely they should know what they are talking about and not say “I don’t know how that guest bed works”. Perhaps I am just old fashioned in my expectations of service. Perhaps I am turning into Victor Meldrew. Either way, sadly it’s not surprising that these retail stores are struggling to make a profit. We won’t be going back there any time soon.
Customer service is about serving another person and looking after their needs, not your own. I was horrified when an older family member came up to London from Sussex and asked a black cab driver to take her to Pall Mall, only to be told he couldn’t/wouldn’t do so because of the Pride march. He told her to go by tube. Just disgraceful! The rest of the family took Uber cabs and had no problem at all in reaching the destination. That cabbie just couldn’t be bothered and he doesn’t deserve to be in business.
The move keeps reminding us how hard small businesses have to work to maintain their standards and their customers. We have experienced some excellent service from many nationalities, including British. It has made us aware of the effort, energy and long hours it takes to keep a company and service going amidst fierce competition. We have been bullied by some estate agents more interested in their own agenda than ours but also experienced excellent and personal service from other agents who looked after us in ways beyond the call of duty. I am left with great respect for those who juggle small companies and make them work.
We still need to declutter more and that has been tough, emotionally. At this stage of life we are letting go of furniture, books, CDs, family heirlooms that represent both our personal life and our careers. Our sons have taken some items but we have given much to charity and chucked a great deal into the tip. But there’s more to go and it isn’t easy as there isn’t now a single book on the bookshelf that I want to part with. I had the brainwave of creating a photobook capturing my life and times running Positiveworks. This is a fun reminder of those wonderful years but has also enabled me to throw away a whole four-drawer filing cabinet of papers, as the nuggets are now safely recorded in the album.
And so, step by step, the house becomes a home as our numerous paintings get placed on the walls and curtains get hung. It takes a little while to ‘land’ in a house and make it one’s own but it can be fun and we are loving having Kew Village and Kew Gardens on our doorstep. We are enjoying visits from friends, family and grandchildren. How lucky we are.
And meanwhile, with the years, we realize that our time with friends shifts to a deeper, more poignant and honest level where we accept that age or illness means that visits are not always just about having fun or going to the movies but often about empathy, shared grief, compassion and moral support. There is something very meaningful about this as one sheds the more ego-full identity of one’s earlier life in the workplace and moves into accepting one’s mortality and humanity. And so, as with the new home and environment, there is much still to be discovered about life and living. We are still seeking. Still finding our way.