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Jun 28
2018
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Helen Whitten
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I woke up at 6.30am this morning wondering what is happening to democracy? Have people got complacent about it or so disenchanted that they are comfortable with leaders like Trump, Putin and Erdogan taking so much power? Have they forgotten what happens when leaders over reach their power and become monarchs or Tsars? It’s a long time since Charles I was put in his place and I worry that we are not being alert enough to ensure that there are blocks in place to prevent a leader simply changing the law to remain in power as long as they choose and somehow convincing a gullible population that this is good for them. The younger generation may not fully appreciate what happened in the build-up to Hitler, or to the Communist state and if they don’t then we need to inform them! The generations that were close to these events are dying out and getting older. The young need to know more about how power gets snatched from before their eyes without them realising it.
I am just re-reading Dr Zhivago and it paints a miserable picture of life under a Communist ideology – long queues, people thrown out of their homes, the elite pilloried, doctors regarded as ‘professional elite’ and thrown out of jobs, academics and writers sent to Siberia. It didn’t happen overnight but it can – President Erdogan has thrown some 160,000 people into prison over the last year and yet what is the rest of the world doing to question this? President Trump puts people in cages. Putin gives himself more powers and woe betide those who challenge or stand against him. And Duterte in the Philippines just kills those he dislikes from what I understand.
Watching the “Fourth Estate”, a BBC documentary about the New York Times’ reporting of Trump’s first 100 days, we were reminded of how Trump has insidiously but blatantly tried to turn his people against the free press, describing them as “the enemies of the people”. He questions the expertise and knowledge of academics and those who have worked their way up to senior positions through knowledge, questioning facts and speaking downright lies himself. He sacks anyone who disagrees with him and if one of his staff won’t lie or follow his lead they go. He is endeavouring to build a powerful group of followers around him, the better to build his own power base. This is dangerous stuff.
It has bemused me for some time that Turkey can continue to operate at all with so many judges, lawyers, academics and civil servants thrown into prison. Who is there to ensure that they get a fair trial? No-one. And I hear little from the EU or other world leaders to challenge the way Erdogan has just snatched even more power for himself, power to choose judges and ensure the country is run in his own way, the way of a dictator. The day after this I read that Trump will also choose his senior judge. As for Putin, we all know about him.
So these are the signs and why aren’t our institutions of government not robust enough to protect peoples against authoritarian rule? I had imagined that by now we would have learnt enough about narcissists, egotists, sociopaths and downright madmen to ensure that our constitutions were strong enough to stop them grabbing power into their own hands. I have been shocked to learn that Trump has his own finger on the nuclear button, as does Kim Jong Un. No blocks seem to have been put in place despite so many years since Hiroshima.
Even in the UK we have to watch these snipes at experts, the challenges of those who have worked hard to know a great deal about their subject and therefore have risen within their own sectors. We have to watch the green eye of envy that divides and destroys social stability and yet at the same time maintain a decent sense of how to help those less fortunate. I wonder sometimes at the discontent factor and how it can be manipulated for political ends. I wonder whether Russian or Chinese hackers aren’t busy stirring up division and discontent in the UK and Europe so as to weaken our governments and our stability. But at the same time those in our own government and political parties are pretty good at doing this all by themselves, without outside help!
So I feel wary of the world at the moment, wary of these men abusing power. Read the history of dictatorships and ideologues – Hitler, Lenin, Stalin, Chairman Mao, Pol Pot. Encourage others to read about it and watch for the signs. Observe how these leaders gradually took power, how they stirred up doubt about government, how they create division between one sector and another. Divide and rule – you see it in government, you see it in business. It can work to enable a strong leader to grasp more power because it creates a vacuum.
And it’s now 8.30 and I have just been listening to Madeleine Albright saying almost exactly the same words and she knows far more about all this than I do, so let’s not be divided. Let’s be alert to any prospective autocrat who could disrupt world peace and harmony. Fascism can come from left as well as right, from power-hungry leaders, from religion, political correctness and from utopian ideas.
Let’s talk about this and be watchful.
Jun 20
2018
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Helen Whitten
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On Mariella Frostrup’s Open Book programme on Radio 4 last week she interviewed Nell Dunn, the esteemed author of Up the Junction and Poor Cow. She mentioned that Dunn had been accused of ‘appropriation’ due to the fact that she wrote about working-class women and yet herself had come from an aristocratic home. I admit that I was shocked by this idea. Are none of us now allowed to write about people who are different to ourselves? How will any author who is not a murderer write a thriller? How will a male author include female characters and not be accused of ‘appropriation’? Surely this is total nonsense?
But similar trends of thought are being spread about judges and politicians with the suggestion that they cannot make professional decisions about others if they have not lived the kind of lives of the people they judge or govern. I am not sure exactly who is spreading this intolerance but it strikes me that it demonstrates ignorance of human imagination and is also potentially thoroughly dangerous, as it threatens free speech and creativity. Dictatorships have been formed by such edicts. Think of the Russian dissidents in Siberia. Cast your mind towards the countless writers and journalists thrown into prison by President Erdogan in the last year or so, those assassinated on Russian streets.
The kind of thinking that rules that you cannot write about someone unlike yourself denies both empathy and creativity. It seems in direct contradiction to the concept of integration and diversity. How could any author have written a masterpiece or best-seller unless they imagined characters unlike themselves? Khaled Hosseini’s book A Thousand Splendid Suns comes to my mind. It describes the lives of Afghan women with great poignance: was this ‘appropriating’ their experience? Men have written as women and women as men. Russians have written about the French and the English about Italians. The examples are endless.
More recently it was alleged that Sir Martin Moore-Bick was unsuitable to lead the judicial review on Grenfell Tower because he was white and has a double-barrel name. It may have been an insensitive choice in the eyes of the victims but at the same time the criticism of his role denies his ability to be both professional and empathetic. I don’t know him personally but this logic would surely result in only murderers of the same ethnicity judging other murderers? It disavows the professionalism of a judge to analyse a case objectively.
I am no supporter of Jacob Rees-Mogg but it has similarly been suggested that he is unsuitable for election to be the next Prime Minister because he comes from a background of privilege. I don’t wish him to be PM – but not because I don’t believe him capable of empathising with those who are different to himself. After all, Margaret Thatcher was a grocer’s daughter and yet was criticised for being the Iron Lady and out of touch. Churchill came from privilege and yet had the capacity to be a man of the people. Coming from a poor background does not necessarily make you any more capable of empathising with others, nor of understanding the needs and aspirations of a whole population.
In my experience people have the capacity to appreciate another person’s situation without having lived it themselves. It’s just that some people can do this better than others, and in my view this has more to do with their perception, imagination and personality than their background, gender, or the colour of their skin. People can also enhance the capacity of empathy through diversity training, which can enables them to notice any unconscious bias current in their beliefs or behaviours.
Last year Kate Moss’s daughter was under attack for ‘cultural appropriation’ because she had worn braids to her first modelling debut. This was regarded as disrespectful. Having white models sporting braids was described as appropriating black culture. I have always been brought up to understand that copying others is a form of flattery. After all there was a time when much of the world followed French fashion but I don’t remember that being described as cultural appropriation.
The Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and his family were somewhat mocked for wearing Indian costume on a political tour of India earlier this year but I didn’t notice them being accused of cultural appropriation. Just of looking rather silly. The stores East and Monsoon have specialised in oriental fashion and one could say that it expands our style and thought. Surely it is part of everyday cultural exchange, which is ever-more prevalent in a world where people travel. Those from the East copy those from the West and vice-versa. From this we learn and expand our ideas. As we wear another’s clothes or, as the Chinese saying goes, walk in their shoes, we get a sense of them. Is the costume restrictive or freeing? As we write about others we gain understanding of their predicaments. Does it always have to be perceived as offensive?
I started to write a memoir, in the form of a children’s book, of a dear Jamaican friend of mine who came to the UK in the 1960s. However, I was warned by a well-meaning tutor that I could be criticised for being presumptive to write, as a white person, about someone from the Caribbean. How sad it is that the type of characters we can include in a book are being limited by over-sensitive political correctness. If we just write about our own experience it could equally be criticised for being too narrow, a criticism that even Jane Austen is sometimes accused of, so one can’t win!
Academics have lost their jobs for standing up for the right to dress up in Hallowe’en costumes or to have a student ball on the theme of Around the World in 80 Days. Apparently we are no longer allowed to dress up or copy others, or even write about them without causing perceived offence. Perhaps more needs to be done to ensure that those cultures one is borrowing from are acknowledged and then hopefully they would see it as celebration rather than dishonour.
But who exactly are the people making these ‘rules’ concerning what we can and can’t write about? They and the other no-platform illiberals are certainly not representing me. In my view these ideas stifle creativity, free speech and tolerance. It is a human talent to be able to stand in other people’s shoes and imagine what it is like to live their lives. There is a commonality of humanity that is worldwide. When we see others suffer or succeed we can feel it too. We empathise, whatever their background or provenance.
When Nell Dunn wrote her book Talking to Women she did exactly that – she talked to them, researched their lives, and empathised. She didn’t have to live their lives herself in order to gain insights. It was her humanity, curiosity and imagination that enabled her to write about other women and describe their experiences. Don’t let’s allow today’s thought-police to stifle creativity.
Firstly a very big thankyou for staying with me and choosing to read some of my Thinking Aloud blogs. GDPR was rather scary – I was worried I might end up with only 4 people still subscribing. In fact I lost less than a handful, so that feels very heartening!
And now our house in Hampshire is under offer and someone loves our beautiful quirky home as much as we do. And that feels wonderful and yet poignant at the same time as it reflects the end of an era, brought into greater focus by our grandchildren who make remarks like “we love your house!” “Your house is the best house in the world!” “Will your house in Kew have a swimming pool – we LOVE your pool!” … and the heartstrings get pulled.
Inevitably the Kew house will not have a swimming pool – in a garden of about 12 x12 ft this would be challenging! And we will just about be able to have our children and grandchildren to stay but certainly not more than one family at a time, whereas here in Hampshire we have been able to accommodate, on beds, sofa beds, camp beds, futons, David’s four sons and their families, adding up to some 14 to stay. It was exhausting, with the shopping, catering, the sheets, the washing, ironing and vacuuming afterwards but it was great fun and everyone loved and appreciated it. My two sons and their families also had some good times in this wonderful adaptable space and my three grandchildren and David’s seven grandchildren all loved it and had a ball.
I can still remember my grandmother’s house, still walk around it in my mind and get the sense of being there with her, chatting in the kitchen, chasing after her with an ashtray when her cigarette ash looked as if it would fall in the soup (this seems to be a common experience for people of my generation!), crawling into her double bed, playing in the garden. Hopefully our grandchildren will also remember this lovely place and have some fun with us in the next.
And so on to a new transition and inevitably I think of my parents moving from a big house to a small one towards the end of their lives, as David thinks of his moving from Doncaster to Barnes. It reminds us that we are our parents’ age. How can that have happened?! And it feels both like a closing down and yet also an opening up of many new opportunities and a fun lifestyle in Kew, where there is so much on offer.
We spent the weekend in Kew for David’s 75th birthday, staying at the delightful Coach and Horses Inn on Kew Green. We ate chocolate birthday cake cooked by Kate Comer, photo attached, we were entertained by a magician, Steve Rowe, and the blended families chatted happily and the grandchildren have come away practising their magic tricks on us all. We walked by the river, had a picnic in Kew Gardens bought at the very buzzy and vibrant farmer’s market in Kew Village on Sunday. We tasted our new life and liked it. But there will be both gratitude and sadness at leaving Hampshire Hunt Cottage as it has been the scene of many happy occasions.
In the meantime though we are betwixt and between, stuck in the ghastly limboland that is selling a home in England. A process that can leave you in stress and uncertainty for weeks at a time while surveys are carried out, mortgage companies decide whether or not to give you a loan, searches have to be completed and lawyers ask stressful questions like “where is the woodworm certificate?”.
And one has to scramble around to find the cash to pay exorbitant amounts of Stamp Duty for a house half the size of the one we are currently living in, not to mention removal costs, agent’s fees and the rest. We Baby Boomers are berated for not selling our houses but it isn’t that simple.
I feel I have half my heart in one home and half my heart in the next and yet I don’t dare get excited about our new life because we have not yet exchanged contracts and until that is done, nothing is certain. I have had so many experiences of moving that I know that even the most seemingly simple chain – which ours appears to be – can break a link unexpectedly. Why does it have to be so difficult in England? Everybody complains about it but nothing changes. In France, and I believe Scotland, things are more-or-less firmed up within 14 days. Why can’t we make this process less stressful?
My brain is scrambled and my nights are filled with to-do lists. We are endeavouring to downsize and declutter from 3000 sq ft to approximately 1500 which is not easy. When I mention to David that we won’t have room for something he just looks at me with sorrowful eyes and says “but I am rather fond of that …” or “it’s not very big…” But how many small things, or sentimental ones, can one fit into a smallish house? Chatting to my sister the other day, whose dear late husband Leo, was not dissimilar to David, she told me how, when they were moving to France, she would spend the day filling black bin bags with things she didn’t think they should take, only to discover Leo pulling them all out again at the end of the day. Hey ho … I know the feeling! And I can’t really talk – I find it near-impossible to let go of books.
But I shall miss many things about Hampshire and especially our book club, which we have hosted for several years and has provided many jolly occasions and stimulating conversations; the writing group of which I am a part in Petersfield which has changed my life, supporting me in becoming a poet and writer; the Loose Muse poetry evenings in Winchester so well run by Sue Wrinch. And for David his tennis and Warrior exercise group, not to mention for both of us, local friends, Alresford, Winchester Cathedral, the Watercress Line, plus some exquisite countryside.
Underneath it all though, when I allow myself to be, I am deeply excited and look forward to new adventures and to being closer to grandchildren. But how I long to get out of this conveyancing limbo-land and to arrive there in our new life! The provisional date for moving is Friday 13 July, which is my mother’s birthday and lucky for some, so I am hoping that this is a good omen.
May 03
2018
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Helen Whitten
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I had cause to take the tube at rush hour two mornings last week – a rare event now that I am retired. It was packed, of course, but I was so struck by how companionable we were as we stood pressed next to each other like sardines. Men and women of all nationalities stood up for pregnant women and I was offered a seat several times (it has taken some adjustment to accept I look old enough to be offered a seat!). I accepted with the graciousness with which it was offered.
The journey from the tube door to the escalator at Oxford Circus was a slow one through the endless tunnels and up the steps and yet everyone slowed to an orderly snail’s pace. All colours and creeds cooperating, no pushing or shoving, just individuals quietly in their own space yet acting as a united crowd.
It occurred to me that the experience of being on the tube has changed radically since I first came to London in 1967. The number of passengers has increased exponentially and yet the good will remains, bar the odd bad behaviour. The diversity of the passengers travelling has also altered exponentially and yet my feeling was that although people inevitably find the experience of travelling on very crowded tubes or trains more tiring and stressful than travelling on empty ones, it didn’t seem to matter who these crowds consisted of. They could have been any colour or background. It was the number not the ethnic diversity that caused discomfort. Everyone on those tubes seemed perfectly amicable with one another, perfectly comfortable despite the environmental discomfort.
It surprised me, therefore, when I read an interview in The Guardian with the poet Linton Kwesi Johnson who said that he felt that “racism is in the DNA in the UK since imperial times”. Of course there are pockets of racists here as there are anywhere and everywhere else in the world but this blanket statement of racism didn’t ring true to my experience. What it doesn’t allow for is the fact that there are tribal factions, alienations and enmities in all kinds of areas of human life and that the concept of friend or foe is buried deep in our unconscious threat-alert system whether we are black or white or simply of a different creed or tribe. It is a natural human function to be wary of strangers and difference.
We too can feel like a minority and this change has happened within my own lifetime. A recent report has shown that the number of pupils from ethnic minority backgrounds in English secondary schools has soared by more than fifty percent in a decade. Figures show that black and Asian children account for 17 per cent of pupils aged 11-16 and in inner London white British pupils are now in the minority. A considerable number of schools have more ethnic children than English in several areas of the country. And yet, on the whole, daily life is companionable despite the odd flare-up of bullying or problems (and one mustn’t forget that bullying can occur white on white or black on white as much as white on black or ethnic).
The outrage at the treatment of the Windrush Generation came from a sentiment that these people are now one of us, as are so many others who have come here from Asia, Uganda and many other parts of the world. And interestingly some of those immigrants also voice their own concern at the numbers entering the country today. I have known ethnic families who were not at all happy when a son or daughter brought home a potential spouse who was white English! Wariness of change works both ways.
When I have travelled in Nigeria, Egypt, India, the Middle East I am inevitably the one who is different and endeavour to align my behaviours to the culture in which I am living or working. In the area of London in which I have lived I rarely heard an indigenous English voice in recent days and did rather wonder, as I got older and more vulnerable, whether anyone would be able to help me or know how to phone 999 if I fell in the street. Perhaps silly of me but nonetheless a consideration.
A programme on Radio 4 this week discussed the 1970s-80s policy introduced by the Labour party of ‘bussing’ ethnic children to white schools, with the intention of supporting greater integration. Some had seen this as having the unintended consequence of ethnic children feeling singled out. Others said that although it had been difficult they had, in fact, learnt a great deal more about English life and had integrated better with the culture as a result of this policy. Today some head teachers are concerned that the changing demographics of English secondary schools are leading to a kind of unhealthy separation and that perhaps there should be a return to a policy of positive integration where there is an imbalance of ethnic mix. Certainly we all need to work out the best way to help people feel at ease with one another.
My own interpretation is that the British are a reasonably tolerant lot but do want to feel this is a fair two-way relationship. Where, as can happen in some schools, the English parents can equally experience hostility or isolation, where their way of life or culture is criticised (despite there being things to criticise in all cultures on earth) then there can be division. At the school gate you can sometimes see that groups band together, like with like. Perhaps it is no one’s fault but it does require openness on all sides for people to properly integrate.
And yet most of the time we muddle along and I don’t go along with Linton Kwesi Johnson’s belief that we are innately racist any more than any other nationality – you only have to look at the Far Right movements now in Austria, Netherlands, Poland, France, Italy, Germany, Hungary and beyond to realize that despite the impression that Brexit has given of us being insular, many other countries are also struggling with the numbers of new people entering their country. Getting visas to enter Canada, Australia, Hong Kong or the US can be a very challenging process. It doesn’t excuse it but it does signify that these concerns go far beyond our own borders.
Of course we can always do better and need to keep our awareness tuned to problems or bias. Reading a few pages of Cicero’s On Duties the other morning (as you do!) I was struck by his belief that each human being is a spark or splinter of divinity and that therefore treating another person badly was doing the same to ourselves. He wrote of how absurd it is to treat one’s family well but treat others badly as it is a denial of obligations, ties or common interests and this can disintegrate a society. He wrote that those who did not have a strong regard for foreigners “would destroy the universal brotherhood of mankind” and that the aim of life is “to contribute to the general good by an interchange of acts of kindness, by giving and receiving, and thus by our skill, our industry and our talents to cement human society more closely together, man to man.” He quotes Plato in saying that “we are not born for ourselves alone, but our country claims a share of our being, and our friends a share.” It helps to remember that we are social animals and need one another.
Any speedy change of scene, population or behaviours is inevitably going to challenge any human group, wherever they are. It takes time for people to adjust. We have not seen the “rivers of blood” of Enoch Powell’s speech but we have had sporadic problems and in an era of austerity we have to work all the harder to embrace those around us when hospitals, schools, roads and tubes are crowded. In my observation people may resent the numbers of people but generally not the colour or ethnicity of those people – unless they themselves are resented. Where all parties make an effort to get along and to respect one another’s ways and values there is really no reason to fall out.
On You and Yours on Radio 4 this week it was quoted that some 70% of people in this country are anxious about mass immigration but that this anxiety does not translate to ill-feeling for individuals. A spokesperson also expressed the view that freedom of movement does make it difficult to predict or plan infrastructure such as schools and hospitals – and access to jobs, education and the NHS are people’s major concerns.
I believe it is time to move away from the focus on division and of what has gone wrong in the past or on the old resentments on both sides. Is it not time to celebrate the fact that most of the time we all live together in a reasonable if not perfect society, and this takes continued good will and benevolent action on the part of every single person within it. I felt I witnessed this benevolence on the tube last week.
Apr 18
2018
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Helen Whitten
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It can be difficult to appreciate those things one has not actually fought for, experienced or created. It can be difficult for a younger generation to imagine how basic or how difficult life was for their parents or grandparents, especially with so much in the media stating how tough life is for the young today. It is easy for them not to appreciate the advances that those of us living today in the UK are experiencing. Without understanding these developments it is all too easy to take them for granted.
In the recent BBC2 television programme ‘Living with the Brainy Bunch” two young students, Jack and Hollie, who were struggling at school, were placed within the families of two students who were doing well. Jack and Hollie seemed to have given up hope and were sabotaging their futures by not putting much effort into schoolwork and by being rebellious. They found it difficult to see the point of cooperating and working hard. Hope is an essential ingredient for galvanising people into action.
It was only when the Sri Llankan mother who was hosting Jack told him of her own struggles of leaving war-torn Sri Llanka, crossing the seas for eighteen hours in a container with no air with thirteen other people, not knowing whether she would survive, that he seemed to turn a corner. “You have a very fortunate country” she said. “I ask you to use it. Do you feel you are fortunate?” Jack reflected and replied “I suppose I grew up with everything being there for me … this has made me realize how lucky I am to have the situation I am in, with the country I am in and the opportunities I have, which before I didn’t realize…” He began to listen when she told him why she felt education was so important, why it provided the key to a successful future, “with good study you can do anything you want… Do it for yourself.” In the next maths test he achieved better marks and his attitude seemed to have changed.
In relating this snippet of another life Jack had his horizons broadened. Perhaps he had never been encouraged to look outside his own life experience, so how could he necessarily know how fortunate he is if no one has explained this to him? The philosopher John Gray, speaking on Desert Island Discs recently, said he could well imagine that we would lose some of the rights and freedoms that we have gained over the last decades because those who had not experienced the changes that have taken place could take them for granted and potentially let them slip through their hands. What a terrible shame this would be.
So perhaps we can make more time for sharing our life stories with our children and grandchildren. They may not choose to listen or may roll their eyes but perhaps somewhere some of your journey might give them an inkling that life doesn’t come easy most of the time. That life is, indeed, what you make it. And, also, that with the rights we enjoy in this country come, equally, responsibilities – a sense of balance between what we receive and what we give back.
Often one’s children only become aware of parents as individuals later in life – post teens – and by that time it can be that one has created a reasonable life, home and career. So they aren’t aware of the struggles we may have been through as young adults. Likewise they only see their grandparents in later life and it can be really helpful for grandparents to describe what life was like for them growing up. I wish I had talked to my grandmother about living through two world wars. I wish I had questioned my father about his journey through his working life as I think it would have given me more understanding of the difficult decisions he had to make and how hard he had to work to take care of us children.
Certainly life is transformed in so many ways for the better since I was born in 1950 and I do wish these positive changes were broadcast more widely. The endless negativity propagated by the media is likely only to disempower the young whereas if they realize how fortunate they are then perhaps this can help them seize the opportunities that exist here.
If anyone doubts me then please read Hans Rosling’s book FACTFULNESS which details in many statistical graphs the amazing advances we have experienced in the last forty years. Since the mid 1960s an incredible number of improvements have been achieved – reductions in poverty across the globe where only 9% now live in extreme poverty compared to 50% in 1966, medical advances that have increased average lifetimes through eradicating so many childhood diseases, a world where 80% of children are vaccinated, fewer deaths from natural accidents, fewer deaths from violence or warfare, a population that will not necessarily increase disproportionately as women are educated and make choices about family and career. The fact is that in most parts of the world the majority of people live within a middle bracket but selective reporting emphasizes the extremes of rich or poor, healthy or unhealthy, developed or undeveloped, which are, Rosling argues, generally inaccurate.
Surely we can only build on our success by recognising it and by making decisions based on facts rather than on erroneous assumptions. We need to help the young understand that within a period of some fifty years many laws, policies and behaviours have changed and these have brought us to the not-perfect but-not bad society we have today. And importantly, as Hans Rosling points out in FACTFULNESS, that if we say that life has got better – because my generation has seen these changes – it does not mean that we are suggesting that there should not be further improvements.
We all need to understand that we only hear the negative and over-dramatized stories and that the everyday progress in medicine, living standards and equality are not reported because they are slow advances and are not news-worthy. So we receive a distorted view. Politicians focus on negatives so as to criticize other parties, as do charities who wish to fund-raise. Social media has sadly become a platform for people to share negative stories that breed division, intolerance, hatred and anxiety. We must help our young to realize that life is not binary, that it isn’t black or white, good or evil, that you aren’t with us or against us. That most of life sits in the subtle grey areas in between.
So how do we create an integrated society here where people appreciate what they have? How do we help young people to see that they are sabotaging their own future by hooking into gang violence, division, resentment? How do we prevent them disempowering themselves through lack of appreciation for the opportunities they have? Perhaps by sharing more of our own stories of the good times and the bad, the importance of pushing through challenges and also how, if we are lucky enough to be the recipients of free education, social services and an NHS health service we need to take responsibility for playing our part by not taking these services for granted. Call me old-fashioned but with a welfare state don’t we also have a responsibility to turn up for medical appointments and do what we can to plan our families, plan for old age, participate in schoolwork, plan for the unexpected disasters that might invade our budgets? If we drain the coffers by abusing and not valuing what we have then we are in danger of losing the privileges we currently enjoy.
So let’s share stories with our young and with others who may not know how life was in this country even just 20-40 years ago. Just as the Sri Llankan mother hosting Jack shared her story, we need to explain the improvements we have seen in our lifetimes. It brings perspective which can empower the young with that essential ingredient of hope plus the determination to build on what has been created thus far – for their own sake and for the sake of others.
What could you share about your life journey, or your parents’ or grandparents’ lives, this week that would give insights into how life today is better than it was in your youth?
Hans Rosling: Factfulness: Ten Reasons We’re Wrong About the World – and Why Things Are Better Than You Think
See also previous blogs:
https://www.helenwhitten.com/thinking-aloud/being-grateful-for-the-change-around-you/
https://www.helenwhitten.com/thinking-aloud/lets-shake-ourselves-out-of-this-gloom/
https://www.helenwhitten.com/thinking-aloud/our-humanity-binds-us-so-lets-not-allow-ourselves-to-be-divided/
https://www.helenwhitten.com/thinking-aloud/my-lucky-generation-dont-let-girl-power-slip-away/
Mar 14
2018
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Helen Whitten
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“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail” Benjamin Franklin
I wonder if you have ever spent a few days in hospital? I have been in hospital for 7-10 days a few times in my life and have always been interested in how difficult it was to plan the simplest things when I came home. What has always struck me is how, even after a very short time of dependency, one immediately loses the ability to think, problem-solve, plan and make decisions. It can feel quite a relief not to have to think about small daily decisions such as what and when to eat, what to wear, what to do, how to spend or save one’s money, etc. But lack of practice incapacitates us. And just imagine how much more so if one has been in prison, in mental hospital, or the services for extended periods, where one’s life is organised by others. How hard to adjust to making those daily decisions again. How important to re-engage one’s executive brain and develop once more the ability to be independent of others and manage one’s own life.
It is not surprising that many ex-service people end up on our streets, homeless. Nor that many mental hospitals and prisons become a revolving door where people exit but all-too-often return. People do need help to plan their lives, their health, their work, their finance and their relationships. It doesn’t happen automatically, particularly when you haven’t had to use that part of the brain for a period of time. I believe the importance of planning skills is underestimated. Without planning people have no route to success.
This applies in so many areas of life. I was talking recently to a friend who works in a food bank. The food banks were set up as an emergency resource but those running them are finding that some people can become habitual users of the service. So some food banks now offer help with learning to budget and take control of the small details of expenditure, so as to prevent the building up of dependency.
We have a great deal of personal debt in this country. Something that happened less when I was young as there weren’t credit cards, and loans were hard to come by. Our parents had come through the war and rationing so there was a strong message that one should budget and only buy those things that one could pay for. Writing a cheque made it easier to calculate what was left in one’s account but few people write cheques these days and keeping track of what’s in the bank is much harder when you use a debit card. What with compound interest, interest-only mortgages and working out the meagre interest on savings, it’s all so much more complicated now! We need help. Being in debt is miserable. Getting out of it is tough. Personally, I found the books and programmes of Alvin Hall helped me think about where my seemingly small daily expenditures were adding up and draining my ability to save. I suspect many of us would benefit from reading his book You and Your Money.
You may have heard reports during the recent cold spell of how surprised people were that quite a large number of homeless refused the offer of a warm refuge. It was too big a jump of trust and habit. They know what to expect on the streets, however uncomfortable. And they have often built up a solidarity of social life with others in similar situations. Learning to socialise in new groups after being institutionalised or on the street is a major challenge. Helping the homeless make the journey back to work and a life within four walls is more complex than it might sound and is a step-by-step process.
When I was running Positiveworks we were involved in a project with Business in the Community to help coach homeless women into the workplace. It was through this work that I became aware of how difficult these women found even small decisions, such as working out when to leave in order to get to a job interview on time. Maintaining the daily disciplines of time-keeping and planning was challenging for them. They had lost the capacity to keep on top of things and could easily become overwhelmed by the number of things they had to think about. We helped them to take a step back and consider the small steps they needed to take each day to gain employment and then to keep the job. Each achievement built their confidence but it did not happen overnight. Managing to return to the challenges of everyday life often took several months.
Just as parents move children from dependency to independence, we can often rather assume that the life skills of planning and decision-making are integral to humans but I found that when I used to coach teenage and adult students in revision-planning, few had been given any formal development in planning time, exams, or thinking about a future life or career. These skills have to be developed, honed and practised. As does financial prowess. When I was managing company and personal accounts I realised, too, how easy it is to depend on one’s partner, business or personal, to manage money. But then, aged 42, I read Smart Women Finish Rich, full of stories of women who had relied on others – often to their detriment! It taught me that one must always take responsibility for one’s own financial position, even should one’s partner be an accountant! It also helped me ratchet up my core beliefs about how much money I could make in business and how to plan for retirement. Invaluable.
But the people who really need help are those whose lives have been disciplined by other people – teenagers growing into adulthood, those who have been in prison, in hospital, mental hospital, on benefits, or in the services. When your everyday activities, including meal times, are organised by other people the part of your brain that does the planning deteriorates – and surprisingly quickly!
I have found that the four-quadrant template below, created from the Herrmann Brain Dominance Instrument, can be applied to provide a practical model for planning.
Once some or all of these questions have been answered, identify specific measurable goals and identify when they are to be carried out and achieved. What is most important, though, is to ensure that the question ‘why should I bother to do this?’ is answered, as unless a person can perceive a tangible benefit and see a positive outcome for themselves they are unlikely to feel motivated to follow through. I suspect we can all think of examples of goals we have set but without sufficient emotional will to complete them!
Don’t underestimate how useful a practical model can be in helping someone make the journey towards regaining control of their lives. Do try it and share it.
Some books that helped me:
Alvin Hall: Your Money or your Life; You and Your Money; Money Magic and You-tube
Napoleon Hill: Think and Grow Rich
David Bach: Smart Women Finish Rich
Stephen Covey: Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
Helen Whitten: Cognitive-Behavioural Coaching Techniques for Dummies (Wiley, 2009)
http://www.herrmannsolutions.co.uk/