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Jul 05
2016
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Helen Whitten
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I can’t remember a period in my lifetime when there has been so much talk of politics – in homes, offices, at parties and with complete strangers. “Remain or Leave, what do you think?” And many people, including myself, were quite torn, endeavouring to distinguish between a sentimental love of Europe and the Europeans versus doubts about the way the EU Commission is run.
30 million people turned out to vote. That’s more UK voters than had supported anything else in history. People of all types thought about the issues and cared. I believe both Remain and Leave campaigns let down the British public with both lack of information and misinformation. The leaders of all parties took us to the edge of the cliff and then stepped back, without leaving us with any plan. This was totally irresponsible.
That said, I voted to remain but am discomforted by the frequently disparaging way that my fellow Remainers talk about those who voted Leave. They accuse the Leave campaign of inspiring hatred and division and yet, now that they have lost, those on the Remain side seem to be in danger of perpetuating that division and hatred. Think how we would feel if the boot were on the other foot.
OK, so the Referendum was a close call and those on the Remain side are gutted. Personally, I did sign a petition for a second referendum but am concerned that it is unethical to expect 17.4 million people, 52% of the population, just to shut up and go back to the previous status quo with no promises of reform. The result has exposed genuine and daily-experienced concerns about infrastructure, the pace of change and perceived inequality of opportunity. Those living in economically depressed cities have been left behind, particularly the white working classes, and they need help transitioning from an industrialized manufacturing economy to an economy based more on the brain than on brawn.
There have been several decades of job losses and successive governments have ignored the problems. There is only so much any government can do about dying industries but net annual migration quadrupled between 1997-2010 and since then there has been the crash of 2008, and austerity, all of which have put pressure on jobs and the quality of life.
We don’t really want to say that “the masses have let us down yet again”, do we? While the middle classes and professionals have benefited from global economic prosperity and have the choices that both education and money can buy, we are not necessarily the ones stuck in living daily with the problems of economically struggling or transformed areas. If we believe that remaining in the EU is ultimately most beneficial for all of us, including those feeling alienated, then we needed to make it much clearer how staying in could indeed be to their personal advantage. Quoting Mark Carney or the IMF wasn’t going to do it.
Apparently the older generation should feel ashamed that 57% of them voted to Leave but can we not argue that the young should also, in that case, feel ashamed of themselves for not turning up to vote – and in fact 27% of 18-24 year olds and 38% of 25-34 year olds voted to Leave too. The young don’t know about a “Britain as it used to be” so they must have their own ideas of the issues. See http://lordashcroftpolls.com/2016/06/how-the-united-kingdom-voted-and-why/ The picture is inevitably complex and I believe we need to try to focus on common areas rather than divisions as we go forward.
Perhaps it is because I have been trained as a mediator, but I feel uncomfortable with the way the Remainers refer to Leave voters as racist, xenophobic or little Englanders. We need to be careful when we label others and I personally feel that anyone who took the trouble to vote requires some respect. In fact only 33% of Leave voters actually cited immigration control as their reason for voting for Brexit. It is illogical to bracket 17.4 million people together. I certainly met Remainers who were also worried at how our creaking infrastructure would cope with immigration continuing at its current rate. It is a rational concern when housing, education, health and transport are all under pressure in a slowing economy. The fact that Brexit never was the answer is, in many ways now beside the point. If these worries are not discussed in a transparent and grown-up way they could continue to cause unrest.
In my experience of talking to those who voted Leave, it was for a far more complex set of reasons. People talked of deep concerns about a dysfunctional EU Commission, the lack of willingness for the EU to flex and reform, the imbalance of economic strength that exists within the 28 EU countries, the over-generous social provisions within those countries, youth unemployment, the Euro bail-outs, the rise of the Far Right in France, Austria, Poland, Hungary and Germany (which has existed for many years before any UK Referendum came on the scene), Juncker’s federalist plans for “more Europe”, a history of dubious regimes and unrest, the recognition that many other countries are also disgruntled with the EU Commission and that the whole endeavour may anyway break up, and also an interest in a global trading alliances beyond the EU. These are legitimate considerations, even if we don’t agree with them.
A Swedish colleague of mine remarked that “ I think UK’s withdrawal was almost necessary, to enable the EU to wake up. I am a European ever since I turned 15 but too many fingers got into the pie”. This morning there is a hint that Juncker may be pressurised to resign and perhaps there will eventually be change and reform in Brussels. But tragically that’s too late for the UK.
Ultimately, though, we may disagree with one another regarding these perspectives, the vote and its outcome – and families and friends have been divided as a result of these discussions – and yet surely we can respect people who think differently to us? Each person is voting from a combination of facts, experience, values and gut instincts. Can any one of us on either side honestly say with 100% certainty that, whatever the short-term upheaval, ours is the best solution for our country in the long-term? Discussing facts and perspectives in an open debate is one thing but we don’t have to copy the disgraceful name-calling that the campaign leaders threw at one another. Insults and judgements don’t help us see a way forward.
What we do have to do is pick up the pieces of what is currently a mess and travel optimistically. We need to do better than Peter Hennessy’s description of ‘muddling through’ even if that is how it seems today! But Hennessy also points out that we are a mature constitution with deep wells of civility. There are racists in every country and it is important to educate people to see beyond the divisions. As a Lithuanian friend of mine commented: “Regarding the attacks on Polish people it just shows you how uneducated these people are but I don’t care what they say because to me they don’t represent England. England to me is a wealthy, educated and tolerant country and hopefully will always be.”
We need to go forward as united as possible. A positive factor of the Referendum was that it went beyond party politics. People in the Labour, Lib-Dem and Conservative parties spoke and voted together. This signifies that there are potentially shared values and interests in common that can be built on.
There’s plenty to be gloomy about but if we get stuck in the negative loop of doom and hopelessness, which the media so enjoys, then the uncertainty will continue for longer and the financial markets, trade and relationships with the world will deteriorate further. We shall shoot ourselves in the foot. We need to pick ourselves up, shake ourselves down and decide that whatever the outcome of the next few weeks we can make it work for us individually, for our families, for the country, for Europe and the world. That will require each of us to talk to our European friends and neighbours, build our global relationships and alliances and do whatever action it takes to protect the reputation of the UK, for all our sakes.
I am staying with friends in Italy and we are walking around in a state of shock at the news of the Referendum. It’s like waking up in a bad dream. We have, indeed, woken up in a different world. We feel sad and somewhat ashamed at the impact the decision that only 52% of our countrymen came to. And, speaking personally, I feel angry at the way the Referendum was conducted and feel that the nature of the campaign, together with the media coverage, has much to answer for in having led us to this point.
People did think about the issues. I spoke to bankers, plumbers, hairdressers, taxi-drivers. I spoke to Jamaicans, Latvians, Lithuanians, Angolans – it was not just the white English who voted for Brexit. It was not necessarily about racism though it might have been about spacism for those living in areas where they can’t get their children into schools or find it difficult to get an appointment to see their GPs. There were plenty of thoroughly intelligent people who voted out but perhaps the majority of those voting Leave were in areas where the speed of change in their environment had most impacted them on a daily basis.
Either way, I think the votes for Leave had very little to do with individual feelings about any one European or another. It was an anger with Brussels and our Government. I suspect the majority of us in the UK acknowledge the benefits we have enjoyed from closer relationships with our neighbours and appreciate those who have come to our country to live and work.
One thing I heard frequently was a lack of trust in authority figures or institutions. Prime Ministers, MPs, the IMF, the Bank of England have, over previous years, proved to be wrong on one score or another and cases of excess or expenses fraud have left a bad taste. The media are viewed with equal scepticism. And it is dangerous when people don’t feel they can trust anyone because, quite frankly, the majority of us in England were really not equipped to understand the complexities of what the EU membership represented. Each side bandied figures about but we all knew they couldn’t be certain about any of them – as the first day of market turmoil has shown. In truth I think the issues raised in the Referendum should have been handled in Parliament. Yes, it was democracy at work but without sufficiently objective explanation of facts and consequences it made the decision extremely difficult for many. On the day before the Referendum I met two charming and intelligent young girls in their twenties in my local deli, one English and one Latvian, still thrashing out the issues and trying to decide. After all the television and media coverage they were still confused.
From the various conversations I had, I think the result in some areas of England had more to do with the alienation of a certain class who felt unheard than it had to do with Europe. The anger was at the Government, at austerity, at a feeling that they had no voice and that successive governments have simply called them bigots rather than listening to their concerns. At some point, like Paris in 1789, the people rebel and throw their toys out of the pram – and everyone around has to face the consequences.
But the campaigns did not, in my view, help them choose carefully, nor help them fully understand the consequences to Europe and the world of coming out of the EU. The Remain Campaign did not reach the people and misread the feelings bubbling up in the heartlands of England. I did not receive any information leaflet from the Remain campaign whereas I received three from Leave. The only thing I received from Remain was a poster but it only arrived one day before the Referendum.
In the countryside there were Vote Leave posters everywhere. On the days before the Referendum they popped up on cars parked on roundabouts, in laybys and in windows. I only ever saw one Remain poster – where were they? It seems to me that the Remain campaign were only speaking to their own – to the professions, the City, the financiers. They didn’t get on their Battle Bus to reach out to people and if they did speak they seemed to speak in negative terms rather than to explain to people what actions they might be able to take to ease their problems if we did stay in. Plenty of people were wavering up until the last minute: perhaps they could have got out there and talked to them on their terms. And where on earth was Jeremy Corbyn to rally these troops to Remain?
The debate between the two sides generally ended in shouting and ranting. Getting to the truth of the impact of a decision was very hard.
It takes two to tango. Any divorce is instigated by two parties. So I believe the EU leaders also need to take responsibility for their part in this outcome. I feel angry that it is only now, after the event, that European presidents are saying “yes, I can see we do need to reform the EU…” and “perhaps we should now revisit the Treaty itself”. Why did it take this desperate and tragic situation to get them to understand that it is not just the UK that has been urging them to reform.
Angela Merkel’s open invitation came at a bad time for the lead-up for the Referendum and fired fears of uncontrollable immigration that our infrastructure could not cope with. The increasingly federalist tendencies of Brussels also concerned some. In the likely review that those in the EU leadership will conduct I hope that they will analyse these problems honestly because they cannot be pushed under the table now. Otherwise the Far Right, or Far Left, will take over – they are waiting to do so.
The world is in a fragile state. Putin may well be delighted by the destabilisation of Europe. ISIS warlords will be watching our vulnerability. We need to pull together. In any divorce there is a period of shock, rejection, anger, sadness but, as I said in my last blog, I hope that the leaders of the world rise above hurt, ego, punishment or revenge and put the good of the world first. I hope there will be a willingness to cooperate and overcome divisions as fast as possible as it will benefit all nations to do so. Above all I hope all parties will apply their wisdom to this sad situation.
Call me an optimist (my business was called Positiveworks!) but could this possibly be a Hegelian moment where the thesis (EU creation and history of 48 years) has been challenged by the antithesis (UK voting Leave) which could potentially lead to a synthesis that enables all countries to review treaties and alliances and bring them up to date to last a further fifty years into the 21st century in an optimal and transformed state? I sincerely hope so.
If you are concerned then click the link below:
Petition: EU Referendum Rules triggering a 2nd EU Referendum
| Petition: EU Referendum Rules triggering a 2nd EU Refere…
We the undersigned call upon HM Government to implement a rule that if the remain or leave vote is less than 60% based a turnout less than 75% there should be anot… |
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| View on petition.parliament.uk | Preview by Yahoo | ||||||
Jun 14
2016
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Helen Whitten
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We went to the Hay Literary Festival recently. Inevitably, there were many talks that touched on the EU. In a mock referendum held at the close of the Festival, three-quarters of those there voted to stay in and I have, after sitting on the fence for some time, decided to join them in this.
I did not want to make a decision without careful thought and research. It is a complex subject and the decision is certainly not one to be taken lightly. There are many factors that have the potential to seriously impact each of us living here and in Europe for many years to come. But for any of us trying to make up our minds, the level of political debate has, in my view, been shameful – full of slings and arrows and ineffective ways of putting any points of fact to the voter. It has insulted the public intelligence. The name-calling has reminded me of children in a playground – and sadly this seems to be just the same in the electoral discussions on the other side of the Atlantic.
How do we raise the level of debate? It is arrogant and disrespectful to presume that anyone with a different perspective is an “idiot”. There are perfectly legitimate arguments on both sides. There are voices of reason from business, economists and government putting each case and not one of them has a crystal ball to the future. Yet representatives of the campaigns seem to imagine that they can terrify us into submission by citing one terrible consequence after another of not doing what they want. It doesn’t make for an intelligent discussion of the facts and potential consequences.
But politicians of all parties are, I feel, paying the price for persistently ignoring the concerns of some of those voting to leave, calling them racist, little Englanders or bigots rather than waiting to hear what they are actually saying. Politicians don’t seem to want to hear opposing perspectives. They just hurl abuse rather than listen. This is hardly a good example of statesmanship. The media have been equally scaremongering, leaving out some of the subtle aspects of the challenges we face.
It was this piece in the Evening Standard that helped me decide. It was a quote from entrepreneur Rohan Silva “The institutions of the EU are amongst other things, unaccountable, untransparent, undemocratic, wasteful, sometimes corrupt, top down, not fit for purpose for the world we live in today, that’s all true. But as someone who runs a small business and works to support hundreds of other small businesses, small companies are least well placed to withstand the turmoil, the uncertainty and the flight of capital that’s going to happen from leaving for at least three years after leaving the EU … The jobs lost, the sleepless nights, the anxiety, the economic damage will be truly considerable and the price of that is not worth paying at this time because the EU for all its flaws is not as bad as leaving.”
This summed up pretty accurately how I felt. Having run a small business for 23 years, I have enjoyed making my own decisions and feeling free and flexible to build alliances – but not be limited by them. So my natural tendency is to be small and flexible. I find it frustrating that reform within the EU is so cumbersome. Practices and contracts should always be reviewed frequently, especially in such a fast-changing world and with a group of countries that has expanded from a small number of six to twenty-eight very diverse nations. If we look at this from a Darwinian perspective, we know that if a living body does not adapt to changing circumstances it will become extinct.
I love Europe and the Europeans, was born and spent my early childhood in Portugal, have lived in France and travelled to many countries on business. I believe that the collaboration of different nationalities has resulted in advantages in innovation in science, medicine, the economy, the environment and in a deeper understanding of humanity. Immigration has brought huge benefits to our country and I admire the energy and enterprise as well as the cultural input that the majority of those arriving here have created. And yet the speed and rate that our country is growing is a perfectly rational concern, as anyone who travels on the London tube will know. No-one should be insulted for having raised the issue. Our infrastructure is creaking and we don’t have money in the coffers to improve housing, education or roads at the drop of a hat.
The Remain contingent have been extremely tardy in putting their case and certainly the Labour Party seem only just to be waking up to the need to speak out on the matter at all. Speaking personally, we have received information and stickers from Vote Leave but absolutely nothing from Remain either in Hampshire or in London. Therefore the only banners and stickers one sees as one drives around the countryside are Vote Leave.
And what a boring statement the word Remain represents. Static, not forward motivating. Stronger in Europe was a far more inspirational phrase. And in the meantime the Conservatives are tearing themselves apart in a really appalling way and the prospect of Johnson, Gove and IDS leading a government is wholly unattractive. All in all, I wish to God Cameron had never started this whole referendum lark.
But whilst I am not as convinced as some of the long-term benefits of staying in, I do see that in the short-term it is better to remain within the EU. It is a huge distraction for government and business alike to have to renegotiate contracts and terms at a time when the domestic and global economy is anyway under pressure. And if the EU does implode or explode over the next few years we shall be at the table to influence the outcome.
All families and groups have squabbles. In assertive communication each party is able to express their own views and at the same time be open and respectful in listening to the views of others in order to seek a solution, where possible, that honours all those involved. Taking into account diverse opinions can take longer but the outcomes are generally more creative than when a decision is made hastily.
Hopefully our politicians can now transform their approach, make amends for the truly unnecessary rudeness and insults that have been bandied about during this debate, and repair relationships with colleagues both in the UK and the EU. Hopefully all concerned can be grown-up enough to consult in an assertive way on how to continue to build peace and prosperity in the world, including the world beyond the EU. Hopefully our global allies will have the willingness to work together for the future, as collaboration and cooperation are surely the way forward.
Jun 09
2016
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Helen Whitten
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The world of my childhood seemed so huge and problems far away. In the 1950s (yes I am that old!), China, Australia, Hawaii were almost on another planet. Air travel was not common, and, crucially, there was neither colour TV nor 24 hour news. We were able to live in our own little bubble of life in the UK with the odd intrusion of threat from Soviet Russia, Suez, Korea but these seemed too distant to disturb our peace at home.
On my recent visit to the St Benet’s Monastery on the Norfolk Broads I became acutely aware of what a small sphere the monks must have lived in. The monastery was inaccessible other than by water or a long walk and was eventually abandoned for that reason. But, I thought, what a peaceful place it must have been without the endless battering of news and information that we are subjected to in the 21st century. Of course they would have had local gossip, rivalries within the church hierarchy, talk of wars in Europe, politics and the managing of food and supplies within nature’s upheavals but they would not have also had to carry the pain and suffering of the rest of the world along with their own.
It has struck me that today we see the troubles of the whole world on a daily basis and that this can be mentally and emotionally exhausting. It may be an earthquake in Nepal, a hurricane in Texas, drowning refugees in the Mediterranean, violence in Africa: these people enter our homes and disturb our equilibrium. We may wonder now why we went into Syria but I remember the photos of those beautiful children with their big brown eyes looking out at us, their parents asking the West to help and us responding with charitable donations while the government responded with battle.
In all this we can end up feeling responsible not just for our own families, work and livelihood but almost equally responsible for solving the problems of the world. It is, in its way, a glorious moment in history that we feel so empathetically involved with so many people across the globe and many charitable acts are achieved as a result.
And yet at the same time it is exhausting if we carry it all on our shoulders, as of course we can’t solve all these problems. And nor can most governments. A sense of helplessness can sink into our being with the inadequacy of our ability to ease world hunger, to bring peace to the Middle East, to stop the threat of Putin’s expansionism, of North Korea’s nuclear menace. It’s overwhelming. And when I read of children and adults in the UK experiencing increased anxiety and depression I wonder whether this exposure to the ills and perils of the world is impacting their mental health.
We can’t go backwards to the world of my childhood. 24/7 news via television channels and social media is a part of life forever, I suspect. And so I have been thinking how we need to learn to acknowledge what we can change and accept what we can’t, as the serenity prayer suggests. To do our small piece in life, make a difference in whatever way we can, but recognise that we cannot solve the problems of the world. To lighten the burden that is placed on our shoulders by de-cluttering our minds and focusing on the simple joys we can find in our own lives. To switch the attention we give to negative news and train our minds to seek out the blossom on the tree, the singing blackbird on the lamppost, the laughter of a child. To consciously make time to switch off and take solace, away from the battering of the media.
I’m not brilliantly good at this but I have become aware that I need to try to stop over-thinking solutions to all the challenges we face – and that includes a resolution to stop worrying about Donald Trump!
May 22
2016
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Helen Whitten
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We have just returned from four days on the Norfolk Broads. For me this was an old haunt as our parents used to take us on boating holidays when we were children. I have happy memories of waking to mist on the water and the echo of moorhens and coots calling across a Broad. I enjoyed lying in my bunk, aware of the gentle sway of the tide and creak of ropes. There was always something to do but never too much.
On this recent trip I became aware of how content I am to travel at 3 miles an hour, as we did on our boat. I understood why my father relaxed and enjoyed just messing about on the river all those years ago. I could sit for hours watching the marshes, reeds, fields and windmills trundle by slowly. Or gently rowing across Salhouse Broad accompanied by families of ducklings and goslings, with the odd heron swooping by. It was wonderfully restorative after a busy few weeks.
Mind you, I have never been a speed merchant. When, many years ago, we had to hire motor bikes in Bermuda – there weren’t cars – I went so slowly that the bike couldn’t gain purchase on the road so I kept wobbling and falling off. When I made a feeble attempt at learning to ski at the age of 40 my son, who was elegantly snowboarding down a nearby mountain, commented that I looked stiff as a board on my 3 foot nursery slope and was travelling too slowly to keep upright. Despite riding all my life, I ensure that my horse is going uphill if we canter or gallop so that I can be sure he will stop at the top of the hill.
In a conversation in a pub with an old schoolfriend, Penny, an old schoolfriend, she told me of a quote she had read in a Paolo Coelho book “walk neither faster nor slower than your own soul. Because it is your soul that will teach you the usefulness of each step you take.” I find this a wise saying and am aware that there are many people who prefer to walk faster than I do and that may suit them but doesn’t suit me.
It also reminds me of a poignant moment when I was late to meet a boyfriend some twenty years ago. I was anxious to make a good impression and got out of the taxi in Soho in haste, paid the cabbie and rushed along the road. Somewhere in the shadow of a shop door someone commented “It’s not a race, you know,” and I remember laughing, relaxing and slowing down.
I can easily forget that my soul likes to walk slowly and push myself to rush but it doesn’t serve me well. I can lose perspective and take wrong decisions and action if I haven’t given myself time to reflect. So now I need to be more aware of Coelho’s words of wisdom and adjust myself to that delightful three miles an hour we experienced on our boat on the Broads.
I wonder if you know at what speed your soul likes to walk?
With all the talk of Nigeria in the news at the moment I recalled a work trip I took to Lagos way back in 1996. Here are some memories.
Nigeria was calling me. I had just been engrossed in Ben Okri’s book The Famished Road, a story of a spirit child living in the harshness of Nigerian villages. Then, out of the blue, I received phone calls from two, unconnected, female Nigerian management consultants asking me to go to Lagos and run courses for their businesses. The prospect immediately intrigued me. It felt like destiny and I had to go.
I’d written an article for the Journal of Management on Tony Buzan’s Mind Mapping and memory skills and its application to professional life in an era of information overload. The management consultants, Tiwa and Udoka (I have changed the names), had never met one another but had both read my article and seen the potential of Mind Mapping as a tool for Nigerian professionals. I met them at a West End Hotel. I have to admit that the fact that they were women made me feel more comfortable with the project, especially as my mother was freaking out and telling me not to go. “It’s dangerous, darling. There’s crime and violence, mugging and corruption…”
But I felt in my gut that it would be ok and I have learnt since that if it feels right then I should do it. And so I went, ignoring those who warned me of the dangers. Later I heard some horrifying stories from a telecoms client whose engineers worked in Nigeria so, I have to admit, I have never returned, despite being invited again.
To appease my Mum, my clients reassured me that I would have a body guard during my visit. Moses, as he was called, would meet me off the BA flight and would take care of me. And so I boarded the flight to Lagos with a combined sense of trepidation and excitement at the adventure ahead. I was impressed by the beautiful tall Nigerian ladies on the plane, some of whom were in African colours and turbans. I was also aware of the sheer bulk physicality of the tall Western-besuited men.
Moses did meet me, though I hadn’t been expecting him to be carrying a gun. Nor had I realized that he would be able to come literally to the gangway of the plane rather than waiting in Arrivals. But connecting with him certainly did allay some of my concerns.
Moses took my passport and told me to wait for him, which I did amongst the hubbub of colourful locals claiming massive suitcases or huge tartan bags tied together with string. Whoever inspected my passport at Passport Control did not see me, so did not check whether my passport photo matched the person entering the country. Whether money changed hands to get me through I shall never know but soon Moses returned, picked up my bag and I was in. My client met me through customs.
We drove along pot-holed roads packed with street vendors selling mangoes, oranges, bananas and vegetables. Faces peered into our car, men banged on the window. I could see the rationale for Moses’ gun. My client took off her jewellery. I was relieved that I had decided not to wear any.
Tiwa had suggested that I should stay with her rather than in a hotel. She realized I would feel safer. We drove to her house in a good suburb. It sat behind high fences and she had guards who watched the gates. I had my own comfortable room and a shower room nearby. Tiwa was very careful about what I ate. She was a sophisticated woman whose daughter was at boarding school in England and she knew it would not serve her purpose to test my stomach with Nigerian fayre. So every evening her cook prepared simple chicken and boiled potatoes. It was a sensible precaution and I stayed well for four days out of five.
The course was at a hotel in the centre of Lagos. It was not luxurious but it was comfortable. I had a large number of delegates, all locals from banks, manufacturing and service industries based in Nigeria. They were charming, intelligent and open to learning. Remembering their names was not so easy – I had once won a competition at the World Memory Championship on remembering names and faces. However, remembering long unfamiliar Nigerian names was a real challenge.
They were a very lively group with a good sense of humour, so I had to work hard to help them to focus. Looking back on the photos I am amazed that I managed it – there I was, a small, short white woman in the room with some 25 extravert Nigerians, teaching them a skill that people in the UK and Europe can find left-field. Another trait I noticed was that when I spoke of win-win in customer relationships, which was an aspect of the course, they didn’t agree with the concept. How can this be a good thing when surely one should win and the other lose when one negotiates? I tried to explain that for long-term customer relationships win-win can be more effective than win-lose but I am not sure I succeeded in getting this across.
Many of the group had degrees, MBAs and postgraduate and professional qualifications. But they complained of the inadequacy of the infrastructure in Nigeria – the potholes in the road, the fact that the telephone system continuously broke down and that there were electricity blackouts. When I asked them whether they had travelled out of the country or come to the UK most of them replied that it was too expensive for them. I was saddened at their frustration at being trapped in their own environment.
And, almost without exception, they all asked me whether I was getting closer to God. I was rather taken aback by the question, knowing, as I did, that this was a country rife with corruption, crime and violence. But I replied that I hoped I was.
Menace was in the air on the journeys to and from the hotel and I was aware of some fairly shadowy looking men on the streets and heard some stories of muggings. The traffic was terrible and the driving worse with people holding their hand on their horns almost continuously. I was glad of Tiwa and of Moses and his gun.
On the last evening the other lady client, Udoka, kindly invited me for a traditional meal at her home. We were driven there and, having had a large three-course meal in the hotel as part of the course that day, I was not hungry. We were greeted by a huge table with many silver platters laid out as for a banquet. When I asked who was joining us Udoka replied that it was just for us. My heart sank. I knew that this dinner had been created in my honour and I also knew that I was going to find it difficult to do it justice. I am not good with hot spices and my stomach is sensitive to large quantities of vegetables.
We talked politely and Udoka’s mother briefly came to meet me. I knew this was an honour and tried to conquer my exhaustion and lack of hunger and eat as much as I could. As I lifted the silver platters I found, unfamiliar offerings. There was, I think, a yellow-coloured rice stew perhaps made with goat or chicken, soup possibly made with ogbono seeds, yam, amala, greens of many types. The quantities were enormous for three people. It was kind. I did my best and moved the food around my plate and tried to look as if I was enjoying it.
And that night I was ill. And the next day, the last day of the course, I was ill and had to excuse myself several times during the day. And when I got to the airport to catch my plane home, clutching my stomach and a handbag full of cash as my fee, I said goodbye to Moses who, this time, could only take me as far as the check-in desk. After that I was on my own with my churning tummy.
It was here that I began to feel truly vulnerable. I had lost my security system and worries flicked through my head. What if the plane had a problem? What if I became seriously ill? What if we were so delayed that we had to be put up in a hotel until it was fixed? Who would I call? What would I do?
I sat in departures and occasionally ran down to the ladies. When the BA air crew walked through the lounge to board the plane I caught the eye of a stewardess and I knew she understood how anxious I was and how much I was looking forward to leaving the country now. It had been fun, I had been welcomed and entertained but now I was tired, sick, and ready to go home.
We waited a little longer and then were called onto the plane. I can still feel the relief that I stepped walked into the Jumbo and I felt the BA carpet beneath my feet. A small touch and I knew I was on my way home. With my handbag full of cash close to my chest, I watched Lagos disappear from view and was relieved when we reached European airspace.
I left with great respect for my clients, the delegates and for the good will, humour and bright minds that remained there. Today, reading about the Nigerian economy, corruption, Boko Haram and the kidnapped girls of Chibok, I think of those warm people and hope that none of their daughters has been threatened.
And I am still endeavouring to get closer to God.
Names have been changed.