Still Worrying for the Girls five years on

Back in September 2019 I wrote an article, I Worry for the Girls, about my concerns for the safety and wellbeing of young girls in a changing world of porn, trans and a more diverse society.  Five years on I read in the Yorkshire Post of 23 July that reports of violence against women and girls have risen to an even more worrying level.  In the same week, J D Vance referred to “childless cat ladies” implying that Kamala Harris and other childless women “have no direct stake in America”, not taking into account that women are quite often heartbroken that they cannot have a child and it certainly doesn’t mean that they don’t play their part in society. 

But his words are an example of the derogatory way that some men can describe women and my generation have certainly had our fair share of being insulted and spoken down to by men for much of our early lives.  When I went to study in Florence in 1967 I remember having to carry a rolled-up umbrella on the buses in order to push off the wandering hands of Italian men, and being nervous walking back to my apartment at night when men would follow you down a dark street as if taking some pleasure in frightening you.  When I worked in the Middle East not so long ago several of the women reported that they could not walk to the shopping mall on their own without being harassed. Throughout much of the world women have been designated a lower status and continue to be subjected to demeaning and violent behaviour such as FGM.

But here, in the UK, we have worked hard to overturn this kind of behaviour.  At many schools in the 1950s and 60s girls were not encouraged to go to university or into a profession but to become a secretary, nurse, or hairdresser.  By the 80s and 90s we were proud to see that women could be just as good a lawyer, doctor or scientist as men were, and ensured, as practically as possible, that salaries were equal for equal work.

But in the last decade or so we are sliding backwards and I feel we need to become far more aware of this so as to protect our daughters, granddaughters and nieces.  We have witnessed in Iran and Afghanistan how a society can switch from allowing women and girls’ education and flourishing to brutally preventing the freedoms of women to wear what they want, do what they want or to be educated.  We must not take these rights for granted and must keep a wary eye open for any infringements in this country.

The police report on violence this week spoke of an explosion of misogynism that has derived from porn and influencers like Andrew Tate but it starts in the home and not all cultures treat women with the same respect.  It is how a father talks to his wife or daughter, how a brother talks to his sister, how an uncle talks to his niece, how a man talks about women in his male group.  It is how a teacher talks to a girl in class in comparison to how they talk to a boy. In the words, voice tone and body language a child knows whether they are given the same status as the males in their family and society or not.  When I grew up, as I mentioned, girls were often not sent to the same level of school as their brothers and a son might be sent to university where the girls might be sent out to work in a shop but we have come so far since then. Let’s not lose it.

The lyrics of some hip hop and rap music can be shockingly misogynistic and yet this music has been embraced by politicians and celebrities alike despite this. The NHS has blithely deleted the word “woman” from countless posters and notices even in the context of maternity and obstetric services. See https://millihill.substack.com/s/the-word-is-woman for examples.

On the Radio 4 programme Beyond Belief a Muslim woman spoke about polygamous marriage, which is occurring here in the UK under Sharia law.  One of the presenters spoke of the anguish this causes some of the women involved who feel replaceable and how inevitably it is not financially easy for any man to maintain several households to the same level.  When I mentioned my discomfort of this practice to a C of E priest I admit I was shocked when he responded “there wasn’t much monogamy in the Old Testament” as if that somehow made it ok. But, I protested, those women 2000+ years ago had few rights, no reliable contraception, little independent income and therefore no power to object and that surely we had come some way since then.  But here in this country today there is still polygamy and of course it is only men who have the rights but any wife not married legally under British law has no legal protection when it comes to divorce, child maintenance or redress so is left vulnerable.

I feel blessed but also proud that we have enabled women to express their intelligence, creativity and perspectives with freedom here and throughout most of the Western World.  We are 50% of the population and have every bit as much right to exist and express ourselves in life and work as any man.  We should not feel fearful of male violence or abuse when walking down the street nor in our homes.  But we have seen in the USA how these rights can be taken away from us, how in Afghanistan girls still cannot attend school and in Iran how women can be executed for speaking up for themselves.

It is surely important that each one of us, male and female, become aware of how these rights can slip away and be brave enough to call out threatening or abusive behaviours.  We need to talk to our sons and grandsons and help them stand firm against anyone encouraging any kind of misogynistic behaviour. We are talking about their sister, daughter, mother, cousin, niece.  We must put a stop to this escalating disrespect and violence.